sypherus_xiii (sypherus_xiii) wrote in fushigi_ff,

Fanfic. In Excelsis. pt viii. Cont'd.

Darkness. One half of him is cold. The other is warm. Weight pressed against him. His body exhausted. This feels all too familiar.

Staring at the doorway Hakyeon sees it slowly open and there in the frame is a figure he's seen countless times before. The shadows cover his face but Hakyeon doesn't need the light to know the smirk and slanted eyes staring at him. He doesn't even see him move closer, he just is. And there's fingers brushing gently over his cheek, then they travel feather lightly down his neck, until they close around his throat and tighten gradually. Until he can't breathe. He wrenches his wrists but they're bound by metal digging into his skin, and he tries to shout but nothing's coming out--

Suddenly Hakyeon jerks awake, a loud sound in his ears and it's his own screaming. When he goes to move, there's weight on him and he panics, shouting out again something incoherent. "Where am I??" It's dark. It's hard to see. He's fighting to bring air into his lungs and to make sense of his surroundings as he feels virtually disoriented.

Taekwoon doesn't realize he's asleep until he's suddenly not, stirred by the jerking of the body he'd been resting on and the screaming coming from him. It takes his mind a few moments to process as he sits straight up, eyes wide and fearful until he realizes what's going on.

"Shh. Calm down. You're in my apartment--" He's reaching forward, his hands gently smoothing down Hakyeon's arms over and over to calm him down. This fear that he's been startled awake with is something Taekwoon has dealt with before and so he's very careful, very calm and cautious, in the way he tries to calm him down.

"You passed out and I brought you here. You're okay now," he explains in a forced calm tone, his heart beating a million miles a minute because he's so scared by how frantic Hakyeon is.

Hakyeon feels hands and a familiar voice as he stops shouting, but it takes him longer to still register it. He curls onto his side, frantically sliding his own hands around his wrists when he realizes there's nothing around them.

Relief floods through him and he comes back to the present, hearing again this voice speak. The name falls from his lips as his hand reaches out, seeking Taekwoon's body to just confirm that he's there and not just another part of his dream that's going to fade. "Taekwoon..."

His breaths are labored, pressing the side of his face into the pillow as his eyes slide shut--but then that horrifying image returns and he snaps his gaze open again, swallowing hard and noticing how difficult it is to even do that.

"Water? Do you have water?" his voice cracks, afraid to even blink but he eventually has to, soon shifting his head to peer up at the outline of Taekwoon. He's able to see now the light from the window reflecting off Taekwoon's features. "Light. Turn the light on," he requests quickly after, not wanting to let the illusions and tricks of the dark take over him again.

Watching him in the dark like this is hard. The panic in his movements and his voice strike Taekwoon hard and when Hakyeon requests light, he's leaning forward to flip on the lamp on his nightstand. There's hesitation to leave him to get the water but for some reason, when his cat jumps back on to the bed, Leo feels like it's safe to leave him there with her. "I'll get you some."

He leaves him for the kitchen, finding not just a bottle of water for him, but getting him a few aspirin as well. When he returns to the bedroom he seats himself on the edge of his bed again, offering him the water but setting the pills on the end table. He rubs Hakyeon's upper arm slowly, trying to be comforting about the whole thing. With a deep breath through his own nose, Taekwoon finds the courage within himself to finally say, "You need to tell me what's going on."

The cat skitters away when Taekwoon returns and he sits up slowly, taking the water and uncapping it to take a long, quenching sip. After he's downed half the bottle his mouth still feels dry but he saves it, setting the cap back on as he glances at the hand stroking along his arm.

Hakyeon knows he needs to share this with Taekwoon, for his life is in danger as well. He just holds this guilt and doesn't want to drag Taekwoon into a web he won't be able to get out of. Then...there's this greater fear in him that maybe Taekwoon isn't who he appears to be. He's only known him for over a month, and who's to say three months down the line or a year later, he won't change for the worse.

So Hakyeon asks a question, one that etches into his mind every so often while he's trying to be extra cautious. "Why do you want to be around me?" Curious and studious, his eyes train upon Taekwoon. "And don't say it's because I'm special."

The question only serves to leave Taekwoon confused. He isn't sure how, exactly, he should answer it when Hakyeon adds that stipulation to the end of it because that's the easiest way to put it; he is very special. The words comes to him slowly and when he finally opens his mouth to speak it's with his gaze set on his hand that's come to a stop resting over Hakyeon's, his inability and discomfort with meeting someone's eyes always more difficult for him when he's being open and honest in long words.

"There are a lot of reasons," he starts with a voice as soft as ever. "I'm just drawn to you. I've never had a purpose before or a place in this world until I met you. I never did one thing that could be considered meaningful or worthwhile..." It's a lot for him to say all at once but for Hakyeon to be even asking him means that he hasn't done a very good job of showing it to him. "I feel happy when I take care of you. You taught me what feeling happy could really be like again..."

His voice trails off and he goes quiet and that's when he realizes that he'd started to hold Hakyeon's hand, his grip on it a little tight and so he loosens it, fingers flexing a little.

Hakyeon has some semblance of Taekwoon's reasoning, but the words that ring especially in his ears are giving him that purpose and finding happiness. Suddenly his head is feeling light and after air struggles to pass through his throat, the edges of his eyes stinging as his lashes flutter, he begins to pant seconds later. He's searching for oxygen amidst this, stricken with emotions and he can't stop himself from keeling forward while his legs bend, housing his face as his hand tightens about Taekwoon's.

His free arm raises to circle around his knees, shielding himself as much as he can, and that's when he begins hyperventilating into sobs. He's trying to stop the tears at least but he keeps convulsing from the lack of breathing and the sounds that leave him are dry and strained from resistance.

Hakyeon's reminding himself that he's teaching Taekwoon to be different. That night at Christmas he didn't ask Taekwoon to become a mirror of him or to take the knife into his own hands and kill. No, he asked him to protect him. And that alone brings meaning and joy to Taekwoon? Unbelievable that Taekwoon sticks by him for that, and this is what's gearing him into tears now, unable to stop them from coming out.

Seeing Hakyeon break down like this is an incredibly new thing to him. Of course he'd been able to see something like this boiling just below the surface but it's so utterly explosive now that it strikes Taekwoon hard and leaves him dazed.

Before he can think twice about it, Taekwoon shifts to his knees and pulls Hakyeon up into his arms, holding him tightly against his chest. Words don't come to him in this moment and so instead of trying to speak, he simply just runs his hand up and down Hakyeon's back, trying to comfort him this way the best he can.

"Why are you crying?" he finally thinks to ask, hoping that he hadn't said the wrong things. God, the sound of Hakyeon struggling to breathe through his tears is terrible and Taekwoon wishes he could be going through whatever this is instead of Hakyeon because he just doesn't deserve this.

The sheer emotion is spurring him to cry, everything erupting like a volcano, but he knows it's Taekwoon's constant proof of being genuine and caring for him that triggers it all. Lately he'd been so distraught and the handicapping fear that he might end up alone again was too much. But now that he can lean his weight on Taekwoon, quite literally right now, he concludes he needs to spill everything.

As much as Hakyeon wants to cover up the biggest weakness he apparently still has, it's too late now to mask it, not when it takes him several minutes to calm down enough. Now he's just breathing unevenly, occasionally gasping, but there's enough room to speak. "Because...your emotions are pure." He quiets. "And I need this. This. Us. You...I've been so afraid lately,” he admits, voice sinking into Taekwoon's shoulder.

Hakyeon's honest answer makes Taekwoon's chest seize up in this tight, emotional, sort of way. He breathes out in a shaky way, his hand now fisting into the back of Hakyeon's shirt as he holds him just to keep him there.

"Please don't be afraid." His tone is uneven, unable to hide how much this is making him feel for Hakyeon. He can't maintain a stoic demeanor. "I told you not to be scared anymore." His arms tighten a little more--as much as they can. "I'm going to protect you."

Talking this much feels like so much for him but he knows how important that is in this moment--how much Hakyeon needs to hear these words from him. He thinks he could actually talk however long it took to calm the smaller man down completely. "What are you scared of…”

Hakyeon slowly draws himself away, hands immediately prying at his eyes to wipe the last remaining drops that blur his vision. Embarrassed he's being fully watched now, a hand splaying over his chest to calm his heart, Hakyeon parts his lips, head pounding a little from the exertion of emotion. "On New Year's...that phone call I got," his eyes fix upon the bedding, "was from the man who taught me. Seo Inguk."

And Hakyeon pauses, fingers clutching at his shirt for saying that name brings this tightness to his chest. Swallowing hard, he remembers his water and he notices it on the bed, taking hold of it with a shaky grasp, sipping from the opening as he keeps it uncapped this time.

Taekwoon always pays attention carefully any time Hakyeon speaks and so when he says the name and it's entirely unfamiliar to him, he knows this is something that Hakyeon has never said before. He memorizes the name.

"I met him the night I killed my father." Another secret about himself he's unveiling. "I didn't know why he was even in my house, why he knew my name. But he offered to take me away, to help me. Inguk at that point in my life was like a savior. Kind and nurturing like a mother should be. Strong, wise, and able to provide for me like a father. He was hope in a time I thought there was none."

It's weird relaying his experience. This is the first time he's ever talked about what Seo Inguk meant to him.

It shocks him when Hakyeon says that he killed his father and it makes him realize that while Hakyeon had asked him that night about his own family and father, Taekwoon still knows virtually nothing about the man in front of him. His hands fidget awkwardly in his lap and he nods along as Hakyeon conveys the first part of his story.

There's hesitation in his tone when he asks, because he can already feel that this story is going to take a negative turn. "Why does he make you so scared?" His mind can't fathom the leap from one thing to another.

Hakyeon wishes so much this question didn't have to be asked. For a while he thought he was over Inguk, that if he ever came across the man, he'd be strong and resilient and unaffected. But here he was.

The first night in the new year that he didn't sleep with Taekwoon, Hakyeon had his first nightmare of a locked room he couldn't escape from. Even the glass window that showed people walking by outside wouldn't break no matter what he hit with it. Before he woke up screaming, the last image he had was the door unlocking and that horrifying familiar figure of Inguk standing there.

That's why he slept with his alarm going off in hour intervals--to wake himself before a nightmare invaded and to make sure he was still in his own apartment.

"He changed. Or well...he finally showed me who he really was. For the first year, he showed me how to find targets, how to plan and how to eliminate them. Then he started to let me choose and plan and kill. I knew this was my calling in my life and I couldn't have--" Hakyeon's cheeks warm because he doesn't know what makes him hesitate in front of Taekwoon from confessing he had loved Inguk...

"Appreciated him more. But I messed up on a job. I felt sympathy for the woman, hearing her plead to me, and because I couldn't do it, I couldn't kill her...he punished me." Now his eyebrows knit as his breathing fills the air, abruptly taking another long swig of water to cool his stirring nerves.

Hakyeon's been recalling so many of his memories with Inguk for the past week and a half. They all stand so vividly in his head that it's like they were yesterday.

"When he hit me the first time after that, it was enough to sting and to bruise a little, but...It reminded me of my father's treachery." His tone is bitter. "That was just the start though. It reached a point where one time he beat me so much I couldn't leave the bed for a few days. And the sick part is he took care of me. He nursed me back to health and cared for me until I was well again, like he wasn't the one who did it to me," his voice cracks at these last words as the binds around his composure threaten to snap again.

As Hakyeon continues to speak, Taekwoon can feel anger start to burn inside of him. It starts small and builds the more he speaks. His fists are clenching tight at his sides, eyes narrowed down at the bedspread.

He can't fathom betraying Hakyeon like that or treating him badly. It's impossible to imagine that everyone doesn't feel the same way he does when he looks at this man. He breathes in deeply through his nose to calm himself, or at least try to. He doesn't want to upset Hakyeon any further.

"I want to kill him,” he says without really thinking about it. Even if it happened before all of this, someone who hurt Hakyeon that badly deserves to pay for it. As long as Taekwoon is with him, he hopes that the other man knows he'll be protected. Even someone as skilled as this Inguk must be, Taekwoon wouldn't run away should they be faced with him.

Taken aback by Taekwoon's declaration, Hakyeon's kind of gawking at him for killing Inguk has never been an option to cross his mind--not when he's seen what he's capable of doing. It's only ever been to run and escape with little harm. It's...endearing though to see Taekwoon resonating on his behalf.

"What did he say to you on New Year's?" Taekwoon finally thinks to ask. What could have scared him this much.

The question silences Hakyeon. He sets the water aside on the nightstand and slowly moves close to Taekwoon again. He doesn't hesitate to straddle Taekwoon's lap, seating himself on his thighs while his arms wrap around wide shoulders. He hugs Taekwoon like this while delicately nudging his cheek against his.

Taekwoon welcomes the weight of the smaller man in his lap. He keeps his arms looped around him, one hand pressing against his back with fingers splayed to hold him as close as he can.

"He's watching us. I don't know what he plans on doing but...he's found me. He knows I'm back in Seoul." The words fall so softly, because Hakyeon's feeling that guilt again. A demon of his past threatening to not only hurt him, but he knows Inguk will want to harm Taekwoon. "It's dangerous. And I don't want him to take me again." He drifts off as his arms tighten more securely around Taekwoon’s neck. "And I don't want him to even touch you."

"No one is going to take you." And Taekwoon feels confident in promising him this because he would rather die than let Hakyeon be taken from him. The thought isn't even surprising to him because at this point, he's already fully aware that he's ready to die for him. Taekwoon's head turns to the side and he's pressing a reassuring kiss against the inside of Hakyeon's arm that's holding onto him.

There's only one option that he can think of and while it isn't the most desirable and leaves a lot to think about, he does suggest it. "We can leave Seoul. If it's that big of a worry...we can leave."

A small chortle leaves Hakyeon for how amazing it feels to have Taekwoon with him. How much easier it would've been years ago if he had someone truly there to care about him. Then the idea of Taekwoon’s comes into play and Hakyeon's reminded of his flight to Japan. Another city in Korea? Another country? Would Inguk bother following? Maybe Seoul was just his territory for Hakyeon lived three years in Japan without any contact from him.

"You wouldn't mind leaving here? Once you start to's hard to stop." And he's pulling back enough to drag his gaze over Taekwoon's face.

Taekwoon's head tilts back the small bit it needs to be able to look up at Hakyeon's face. He does consider what Hakyeon says because he's probably right. He can't imagine two and two wouldn't be placed together somewhere else when newcomers appear and things start to become strange. More than that, Seoul is the only home he's ever known. Korean and conversational basic English are the only languages he can speak. Those are wildly intimidating things but in the face of everything and looking at Hakyeon, he knows it's an easy choice.

"You're what I have in this world." He thinks that answer gives enough. Hakyeon is what's most important to him. His sisters had left Seoul so long ago. His job is hardly something he loves and he has no friends to really speak of, none that he would care about losing. He'd follow Hakyeon anywhere they had to run.

While Hakyeon surveys Taekwoon's features, this little knot in him that started forming after he first met Taekwoon, begins to tighten and he sighs out to try to release that tension. One of his hands finds Taekwoon's cheek, thumb running along the soft skin beneath an eye. Hakyeon's using this moment to remember the sentiment flowing through him, for he knows it'll be a monumental step in his life--their lives.

This is the moment he decides he's really going to spend as long as the cosmos will let them spend together, and go as far as the ends of the earth will let them. He's choosing this man as someone more than a temporary protector, more than someone he can trust...he's not going to define Taekwoon with one word or one role for he'll be more than that.

"Okay. Let's go," Hakyeon concludes in a whisper. "It'll take about a week before we can. I have to prepare some things." And he's leaning his forehead against Taekwoon's, the tips of their noses brushing.

One week. If Hakyeon told him they had to leave tonight, right then and there, he'd be fine with it. It makes him realize just how much he's willing to give to Hakyeon--everything. He closes his eyes when their foreheads touch and his hands are both sliding up along his back, fingers curling softly into the material of his shirt. His chest swells, that feeling of admiration that's becoming all too familiar overwhelming him in a moment.

There's so many questions to ask. How do they go about this? Do they quit or just stop showing up to work? Are they leaving for good or can they come back? Does he even want to come back? His mind races with different possibilities for the life that's now being laid out in front of him and so he leans forward, closing the very small distance between their mouths to take a kiss from Hakyeon's lips. It's soft, gentle, just enough to quiet the rush of loud thoughts barreling through his mind. None of it really matters in the face of Hakyeon's all-consuming beauty.

Hakyeon slowly returns the kiss, the volume of tethered emotion behind it more real than any of the kisses since their one on the beach. As he tilts slightly, just enough for his nose to graze the side of Taekwoon's, his lips part to frame and immerse himself in it. Drawing it to a brief end, Hakyeon's other hand slips back until it laces around one of Taekwoon's wrists. Still moving in that slow manner, he directs Taekwoon's hand to his front, right against his stomach.

"Taekwoon...I know last time you refused for my sake, but this time..." he exhales the syllables in the barely existent distance between them, "I just need something from you. To relieve the tension in me and to help ease my thoughts." By the end as it all tumbles out, his words are bordering on a plea, as he ensures Taekwoon's hand fans out along his upper abdomen, dragging it just an inch down.

Taekwoon’s eyes go a little wide when Hakyeon's words, and the meaning behind them, hit him. He can feel his heart start to work double--triple time in his chest and he wonders if Hakyeon can actually see it pounding through his skin and clothes. He knows exactly what Hakyeon is asking him for and it settles low in his gut. A mixed feeling of arousal and the overwhelming knowledge that he hasn't done anything to earn this yet has his stomach flipping over.

"I--" He looks down in the space between their bodies, at the hand pressed up against Hakyeon's stomach that he slowly moves closer and closer down and he curls his fingers in, grabbing on to the smaller man's shirt to try and stop him. "I can't..." His voice is quiet--weak; he’s ashamed that he has Hakyeon sitting in his lap like this, wanting him to touch him, and all he can think about is how unworthy he is of this.

Hakyeon knows Taekwoon is waiting to deem himself worthy of earning it. To Hakyeon, he deserves this more than anyone and he informs him, his other hand stroking past his cheek to the back of his head, sifting through the thick strands of black hair. "You can," he assures, and he's not doing this to seduce and persuade Taekwoon, he's doing it to affirm him for Taekwoon's certainly his hardest critic.

While his lips trace over Taekwoon's cheek now, inhaling his scent deeply, he continues, "You've proven how far you're willing to go for me." He tries again, this time his hand tightening around Taekwoon's to loosen it from clinging to his shirt. "You'll frame your life around mine, and that's a big deal." Taken by his own realization as to how much this truly means, he shudders slightly, the action releasing in the form of a small shift of his hips.

Taekwoon wants to insist that it isn't anything special for him to want to do that, to go to any length to do everything he can for Hakyeon because who wouldn't want to do that? He doesn't understand how Hakyeon doesn't see that this is all a privilege for him. But the encouragement does help. It makes him feel that maybe it's okay to at least do something for Hakyeon...yes, that's exactly it. As long as it's all for him, it's fine. It's just helping him in another way.

He takes his hand back and brings both to Hakyeon's back, holding him as he leans forward to ease Hakyeon onto his back. He swears his heart might beat out of his chest as he looks down at him from this new position now, between his legs. His mind races with all new thoughts that focus solely on Hakyeon beneath him and the frame of his body. With hands that are a little shaky, he reaches up to let them slide underneath Hakyeon's shirt, his whole palms sliding along the bare skin of his torso.

He feels his chest tighten at the warmth beneath his own cold hands, at the feeling of soft, smooth, perfect skin. He has to bite hard at the inside of his bottom lip, trying to control himself and keep from breaking down just from having the permission to keep touching him. His hands hesitate and come to a stop when they reach his chest, backs of his wrists having pushed the shirt up enough to reveal the flat stomach to him. "...Can I take your shirt off?" He asks quietly, eyes set on the mattress beside Hakyeon's head.

Whether it's the pure emotional connection, or the obvious fact that Taekwoon is savoring each plane of his figure, or the combination of both--Hakyeon has to fill his lungs with a bated breath before he gradually lets it quiver out. The question posed at him sends a curve to his lips, "Yeah...silly," he uses that as a term of endearment while lifting his arms, the delicate curve of his waist and the tanned skin of his ribcage stretching smoothly as he did so.

He feels the fabric lift over him, temporarily blinded by it, and part of the shirt collar gets stuck on his chin and he laughs when he notes how there's an extra tug before it's finally flying free from him. Quickly correcting his hair into place, he grins up at Taekwoon, torso bared as he lets the voluminous delight shine through. It's almost magical how already his dark emotions are draining out.

"And to give you future permission, yes you can unzip my pants." Another soft laugh leaves him as he doesn't take his eyes away from Taekwoon.

Taekwoon feels his face get warm at the teasing 'silly' but then even more so when he hears Hakyeon give him permission for his next question before he can even ask. Maybe it was stupid to ask like he had, but he's so afraid of doing anything wrong that it feels important to keep asking.

"Alright." He just says softly, unable to really say much more as he's looking over Hakyeon's body so carefully. He feels like he's taking too much by letting his eyes linger on him so long but he can't help it--Hakyeon is absolutely gorgeous. His hands move to the fastenings on Hakyeon's pants, unzipping them before he's awkwardly working them down his hips and off of his legs, doing this much without asking for permission.

He lets his hands trail slowly up Hakyeon's now-bare legs. He wants to say something--a lot of something’s--but the words stick in his throat. He swallows them back down before he's settling himself in comfortably on top of Hakyeon. Again, he decides to work without asking for permission, closing his eyes as his lips hesitantly press to Hakyeon's soft stomach, starting a slow trail upwards.

It's taken a lot for Hakyeon to reach this point, to feel beautiful under another's gaze without them telling him. He doesn't need the supply of words to know that the slender shape of his legs is immaculate and the line of his shoulders down to his narrow hips is nothing short of rare beauty. He knows these things about himself and doesn't depend on words anymore, however, the strength in Taekwoon's eyes and the tremble he notices in his exploration makes Hakyeon feel exponentially more perfect in his own skin.

His briefs are the only fabric left covering him, and his stomach sucks in a little when lips meet it, a breath hitching audibly. His hands quickly find Taekwoon's hair, raking through with affection as he trains his eyes on velvet, pink lips trailing over him. In this moment he oddly thinks it'd be nice if Taekwoon's hair were longer so his own fingers could get lost for days in the thick tresses.

It feels so important to Taekwoon to take his time with this. It's the first time that they're ever going to be like this and that's not something that he can ever repeat. He wants to memorize every single inch of skin on Hakyeon's body. He wants to be able to time things by the beating of Hakyeon's heart under his chest--the spot where his lips linger the longest on their trail upwards.

He's finally opening his eyes again, a kiss to Hakyeon’s collar bone the last for the moment as he pulls back to look down at him. His chest swells again in that same, painfully sweet, way. It's like he's looking at him for the first time again, the curves of his cheekbones, the lines of his lips. Everything about him is perfect to Taekwoon.

He isn't sure at all what to do with himself. All he knows is that he wants to keep touching Hakyeon and so he does. His hands are at Hakyeon's bare sides, sliding up them and then back down until they reach his briefs. They linger there, eyes set on Hakyeon's face as he slowly starts to tug them down--not entirely, just the smallest bit to act as a sort of test to see if it's okay to continue.

Never had he been touched and admired in this way. Taekwoon taking his sweet time all the while making Hakyeon kindle under the surface. It's increasingly difficult to breathe as he does his best to repress the rushes that spread out over him; like Taekwoon's lips on his clavicle send him into light pants and hands working up his sides send him into fluttering of his lashes while his lower stomach blazes with a growing need.

He's already half aroused when long fingers hook into the elastic of his underwear, his chest and neck flushed with color, and he nods while simultaneously releasing this groan he'd been holding back. His hips arch up and roll a little because he's already fallen into this unstoppable want.

As the last bit of fabric slides off, his cock is nestled at the inside of his hip bone, and he wants to touch himself, but he resists for the favor of Taekwoon doing the honors. His hands instead find the sheets at his sides and curl above them. Hakyeon's always been one for physical maintenance from manicured nails to frequent facials, so of course he's well kept down there, mostly waxed save for the small nest of dark hairs bordering the base.

Taekwoon has seen him naked once before but it's not a time that he likes to think about. Now, underneath him and laid out completely bare, it's easy enough to forget about that painful time. His hands smooth over the tops of Hakyeon's thighs, appreciating them as much as he has every other part of his lithe body. His eyes take it all in, the flushing skin, the way his chest already rises and falls with the effort to find air.

It hits him hard suddenly that Hakyeon is like this because of him. There's no one in this room with them, no one between them. It's his hands on Hakyeon's body now. There's some hesitation, but one hand finally moves to his cock, slowly wrapping his long, thin, fingers around it before stroking upwards and then back down, repeating the motion slowly. "Is it okay?" He blurts out the question without thinking about it, too curious to know how Hakyeon's feeling.

"Mhm," Hakyeon hums, allowing Taekwoon to take his time since he knows Taekwoon has to carefully ease into it as well as himself. It's been so long since he's had an emotional attachment to someone and to let them touch him; he wants to also enjoy the span of Taekwoon's hands and record each fleet of pleasure he creates for him. "Do you have any lubrication?" Hakyeon asks with a quiet drawl to his voice.

The question makes Taekwoon's ears burn just a little. Of course he had some, but for some reason, it embarrasses him that he'd have it. With slight reluctance, he pulls his hand back and moves carefully from between Hakyeon's legs. He shifts across the bed to his nightstand and pulls the drawer open. It's hidden, behind several other things, which makes little sense because he lives on his own and never has anyone over. He could keep it wherever he wants to and it'd be fine.

He shuts the drawer and shifts over just enough so that he can lay down on the bed beside Hakyeon on his side. "Come here." He phrases it as a request with his tone. He motions Hakyeon to come closer and helps guide him with a hand on his waist until he's settled with his back against Taekwoon's chest. He likes this feeling of being able to hold him as he does this.

With lubricant poured out into his hand, Taekwoon reaches it around and carefully spreads it down the length of Hakyeon's cock before he's gripping it in his hand again, a little tighter this time as he starts up that slow pace again.

As Taekwoon’s frame curls against him from behind, his back grazes the cotton of his shirt while his legs brush against the jean material of his pants. With Taekwoon's hand slipping around him, he drops his gaze to those pale digits fisting him slowly, an "Oh," falling out at how his grip is firm.

When those motions start back up he's tilting his head to lull into the pillow, one arm stuck beneath him while his other arm bends in front of him to smooth into the mattress. Delicate pants begin to leave him again, being reeled languidly into the pleasure as his length brims with heat from being fully hard even from the slow drag of his hand.

Everything about Hakyeon like this is ridiculously sexy. It's hard to think about or focus on anything other than the heaviness in his hand and the soft noises coming out of him. He'd already been aroused but like this, he can feel himself getting hard.

Taekwoon shifts his hips back just enough to try and avoid rubbing himself up against Hakyeon's ass when that's all he really wants to do. He knows he has to keep himself in control. Instead of focusing on himself and his own situation, he instead keeps his focus on Hakyeon's back, his lips finding his shoulder blade and he presses a few gentle kisses to the skin before his tongue runs along it. Without even realizing it, he finds his hand moving a little faster over Hakyeon's cock, more confident in the movements.

Every few pumps Hakyeon is tensing, one shoulder twitching forward while a moan catches in his throat. "Ah...Taekwoon..." He's speaking the other's name because he wants to revel in the mere fact it's him and nobody else.

Hearing his name called out in that tone of voice makes his head feel dizzy. Taekwoon can't help the small, frustrated, whine that leaves him and he's glad it's at least slightly muffled by Hakyeon's back. He wants to be touched so badly, wants to give in to it and just let go but he knows that he can't. He has to keep himself in control. His teeth graze Hakyeon's skin and he's twisting his hand a bit, getting bolder with the way he jerks him off, thinking about how many times he'd imagined doing this when he was alone in this bed.

More heat floods Hakyeon’s body and this time he especially feels it in his inner thighs and to the back beneath his rear. It's driving him up a wall, and since he can't release the building tension yet, he relieves some by his hand pushing off the bed to avidly run his fingertips over Taekwoon's forearm, encouraging him physically since he feels his mewls that are now entering the fibers of the bed are not quite enough.

Suddenly Hakyeon thinks he's coming, a broken moan tightly forces from his throat from the purge of his flexing abdomen, thighs jerking as well while his fingers dig into that skin in their halted state--but it's a false alarm and he withers out in defeat as he's still hard as ever, a whimper sounding out. Licking his lips, he brings his hand upwards as he tries to turn his head the opposite way, back over his shoulder to seek out Taekwoon.

"Hnn...kiss me," he feels he has to express his wants, the darkness in his eyes at least clouded with desire between their searching state, wanting to see if Taekwoon will claim his lips.

Taekwoon feels the way Hakyeon tenses against him and he readies himself for Hakyeon to fall over that edge but he doesn't. The request is one he's eager to fulfill and he leans himself up, using his opposite hand to roll Hakyeon onto his back again. He keeps his hand working over his cock while he leans in and presses his lips to Hakyeon's.

The kiss isn't timid or shy or anything like the other ones they have shared outside of this. He's kissing him hard, tongue already seeking out the inside of Hakyeon's mouth, tangling with his. His hand moves faster, squeezes a little harder, because he knows Hakyeon must be close and he just wants to make him feel so good.

The wet muscle gliding right past Hakyeon’s teeth is filling his mouth, stealing a slew of pitched moans. It's hard to breathe and he's panting through his nose and whatever space is there between their lips, but overall he's reaching his peak rather quickly.

For a moment, Taekwoon loses himself and gives in just a little, his hips rocking against the side of Hakyeon's thigh to rub himself against him through the material of his jeans and he's gasping against Hakyeon's mouth, a quiet whining noise leaving him after.

As one leg keeps bending and straightening from the heel of his foot continuously trying to find ground in his pleasure-crazed state, he feels Taekwoon's groin rolling against the side of his other thigh and Hakyeon finds it exhilarating. The sound that so remotely vibrates from Taekwoon reaches his ears and Hakyeon shudders, one, two, three more times before he's suddenly falling over the edge. His whole body heats up while his hips arch off the bed, releasing himself, his lips quivering against Taekwoon's as he can no longer return the kiss, instead gasping to feed his lungs.

Taekwoon pulls his head back. With one hand pressed hard into the mattress, he's leaned back with enough room to stare down at Hakyeon as he loses himself. It's incredible to watch the cock he's still stroking release sticky proof that he'd made him feel good. His hand slows over him, stroking him until his body stops tensing and he's relaxed.

He pulls it away and he's rolling onto his own back, staring up at the ceiling hard and willing the ache between his own legs to leave him now; but all he can think about is the hard heaviness that had been in his hand and how beautiful Hakyeon looked as he came and how he just wants the same kind of release. He raises his hand in front of his face, groaning at the sight of the mess Hakyeon left behind on it. He shuts his eyes and drops his hand to the bed, he needs to think about something--anything--else.

It takes a stretch of time for Hakyeon to placate his breathing and to gather clarity in his thoughts. He opens his eyes again in time to see Taekwoon slumped beside him, sprawled on the bed with his own eyes closed. Although his skin still crawls from the aftermath, tingling and warm and lacking the usual strength, he rolls a little onto his side facing Taekwoon. Of course he notices the bulge fighting to be set free in Taekwoon's pants, and his name trails from him softly, "Taekwoon..." His fingertips smooth over Taekwoon's hip towards the arousal with the desire to help him as well.

Hearing his name fall from Hakyeon's lips makes him tense slightly but the real issue comes into play when he feels that hand on him. His eyes snap open again and he's reaching down instantly, grabbing Hakyeon's wrist to stop him before he can touch him. "No..." He breathes out the word. It’s obviously a struggle to get it out because, god, would he just love to let Hakyeon touch him but he can't. The thought makes him feel terrible. "It was just for you. I'm okay." He says in that same strained, quiet, voice.

Hakyeon remembers he had to provide extra affirmation before Taekwoon even gave in to touch him. That must've been a pretty large step for Taekwoon so he doesn't push this.

"Go to the bathroom," he commands instead, his wrist slipping from that grasp to nudge into his side. "It's okay, I'll just get cleaned up and redress while you do." It'd frustrate him and be a little annoying if he had to watch Taekwoon deal with it, so he might as well let him know the space was his to take care of himself if need be.

There's this terribly embarrassed look on Taekwoon's face when Hakyeon suggests the bathroom but hearing that it's okay to go and do it is all the confirmation he needs to get himself up and out of bed. He pauses, opens his mouth to say something, but the words either get lost or they're too much and so instead he's ducking out of the room and into the bathroom quietly.

As much as he doesn't want to let himself even think this way, it's impossible for him to not imagine Hakyeon as he takes care of himself. With one arm folded against the wall, he leans forward to rest his head against it, his other hand working furiously over his own cock to bring relief that he'd been needing so badly. He imagines Hakyeon's hand on him, those delicate fingers wrapped around his cock and that beautiful voice of his whispering dirty things in his ear. He thinks about how Hakyeon had looked in those moments of overwhelming pleasure and the fact that it'd really been him to get him there. He'd made Hakyeon feel good.

Somewhere in this, his mind wanders to the thought of Hakyeon's lips wrapped around him; the image of his cock disappearing into his mouth is enough to send Taekwoon over the edge and he lets himself go with a sharp gasp followed by a small, breathy moan.

While Taekwoon's gone, Hakyeon cleans himself up, the box of tissues behind the frame draws his attention. He pauses to admire the picture once more, a younger Taekwoon bordered by his sisters. As pretty as they are, pale skin and dark hair like him but with brighter smiles, he keeps looking back at the younger version of Taekwoon.

A moment later he's slipping off the bed and trailing around to Taekwoon's closet. Sliding the door open of course he sees then neatly arranged. Long sleeves in one spot to collared shirts and pants folded like a high-end store. Smiling to himself, Hakyeon runs his fingers over the sleeve of a shirt. Then he pulls away and finally slips on his clothes.

From there he grabs the water bottle and notices the aspirin, taking it for his head is still faintly pounding. As he settles back into the bed to wait for Taekwoon, he takes his time to scan the bedroom. This next week he has to prepare their escape--fake passports, fake visas. He knows he'll have to hack into his own safe for money. The easy part will be choosing a destination. He knows Inguk will find out where if he buys tickets too soon so the best way is to buy them when they get to the airport.

After cleaning himself up and composing himself, Taekwoon returns to his bedroom, immediately flipping off the lights regardless of what Hakyeon is currently doing because there's a lot of embarrassment in Hakyeon knowing what he'd just gotten up and left to do. He doesn't want to have to look at him directly in the light right then.

"Are you going to stay?" Taekwoon thinks to ask, trying not to let his hopefulness slip out into his tone of voice.

Before he sees much of Taekwoon, he’s turning the lights off and Hakyeon mutters too cheerfully, "Well it's not like I have a choice now. I'll...feel safer sleeping with you anyway."

Taekwoon nods his head, though it probably goes unnoticed in the darkness of his room. The lights from the city give him just enough illumination to find his dresser and, inside, a pair of pajama pants. He quickly changes into them and grabs another pair from the drawer before moving to the bed. "Do you want to change?" He asks Hakyeon quietly, offering the extra pair of pajamas to him when he sits down on his bed. For a moment, his thoughts flick to Hakyeon laid out naked on this very bed again but he doesn't let himself dwell on it.

Taekwoon sits back against the headboard of his bed, watching Hakyeon as he struggles to change his pants underneath the blanket. He thinks it's cute and it makes his lips turn up in to the faintest hint of a smile.

When Hakyeon has them on, the soft lining inside causes him to rub his hands over his thighs as he drapes himself back onto the bed, fluffing a pillow underneath his head as he turns onto his side.

Beats of silence go by and Taekwoon's mind now moves to thoughts of what they are going to do. There's a question on his mind that he'd wanted to ask earlier but hadn't found it the right time to. "Did you really kill your father?"

When Taekwoon asks that, he's not surprised because it was a big reveal about himself, the last string he had to cut before he could enter his new life. "Yeah," he replies simply at first. "I didn't go home planning on it. It just...happened."

This surprises Taekwoon and his brow furrows just slightly. "We planned it for months..." he admits softly, eyes turned down as he looks at his hands resting in his own lap.

Hakyeon’s attention tunes in with a faint widening of his eyes as he looks up at Taekwoon through the mild dark. His hand slowly crosses over the mattress, a short distance until his hand finds Taekwoon's, sliding the pads of his fingers back and forth. "What do you mean?" When he says, 'we', Hakyeon's mind recalls the picture frame.

Taekwoon breathes in deeply and lets his head fall back against the headboard, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. He's never spoken these words before, never had anyone he could trust enough to tell anything let alone something like this.

"It was my sisters' idea," Taekwoon starts, "I told you about him--a little bit at least. I can't..." He finds it difficult to express himself and he pauses a moment, fist clenching and unclenching a few times. "What he did, when they told me...for me, I could deal with it. But to treat girls that way--"

It's obvious thinking about it makes him angry, the darker edge his voice takes on and the tensing of his muscles. "I was supposed to do it. We talked about it and planned it for months but when it came down to it...I couldn't do it. Something stopped me from killing him." He looks down at his hand and then over at Hakyeon. "They said they couldn't stay where they knew he was still alive, so they moved to London."

It was enough to anger Hakyeon when he first heard about it, that someone could be so harsh and criticizing to a gentle person like Taekwoon. But to know that his sisters were involved as well...truly not a man worthy of holding the title as a father.

Feeling Taekwoon’s fist form, he strokes his thumb over his wrist, understanding where this anger comes from. "Do you feel regret or guilt?" Hakyeon wonders if Taekwoon blames himself for his sisters' choices in moving away. He wants to ask how much contact he has with them but kind of assumes it's not much.

"Regret." His anger eases a little under Hakyeon's gentle touch. "My sisters are everything to me and I couldn't do the one thing they needed of me..." He speaks the words quietly, gaze turned back away from Hakyeon in shame. "If I had known you back then, I could have done it." It's his roundabout quiet way of saying that he's found a great deal of strength in Hakyeon. Talking as much as he has feels draining but at the same time, these are words that have sat heavy in his chest for years. It feels good to get them out.

"But they live well now. I can't be upset about that." Taekwoon thinks about his sisters, the two that are married with children that he'll never meet and the one who's still unwed, but running her own business in one of London's trendy districts. They'd certainly managed to escape the curse their father had bestowed upon them--the curse Taekwoon fights with every day of his life.

Lips parting as Hakyeon wants to suggest something, he holds it back because it's not his decision or his place to implant it in Taekwoon's mind. Instead he pushes himself up with his free hand, and although his other hand drags away from Taekwoon's, he's sidling up beside him, curling his legs so that his toes are still covered by the blanket, leaning against Taekwoon.

"Do you know where he is now?" Hakyeon questions. He can sense the hold his father still has over Taekwoon, probably a scar that'll never fully heal but can be stopped from hurting.

"He never moved." Last he knew, at least. Taekwoon is sure his mother and father still live in the same home. There was no reason for them to ever move and while he hadn't been there in years, he knows exactly where it is still. When Hakyeon moves close to him like that, he lets his arm drape around his shoulder, tugging him closer to himself.

"Do you live well?" There are moments in his life he regrets, of course, but if Hakyeon knew what he could do to prevent those events from occurring, he'd do it. Right now he just doesn't want Taekwoon to continue living in regret, not when there can be something done about it.

The second question strikes Taekwoon hard. He'd never consider the living he did 'well'. Financially, yes, he had more than enough to get by but really living is so much more than that. Really living is what Hakyeon has shown him. He looks over at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "I do now."

It's strange, this rush that presses right through Hakyeon and for a split second he's lightheaded and the temperature in his face rises. Yet it dissolves and he's left tossing ideas around again.

"Well....if you can live now without him holding you back..." His hand naturally smooths over the front of Taekwoon's chest as it stops at his upper abdomen, his cheek tilting until it's perching on the inside of Taekwoon's shoulder. "I know I've never felt more alleviated than the day I did it to mine. You'd think I'd be scared and depressed after, but...he had become someone who didn't deserve to live. He was no longer my father."

It doesn't take long to process what Hakyeon means with those words. Could he really kill his father now? When Taekwoon thinks about it, he knows that his father doesn't deserve to live either and if they're planning to run away from Seoul, this could be his last opportunity to free himself from the fear that at some point, his father was going to come back for him and drag him further into darkness. He brings a hand up to rest over Hakyeon's, squeezing it tightly.

"Would you help me?" He asks in a soft tone. As much as he wants to, he can't do it on his own. He needs Hakyeon.

"Of course. If it'll help you because when we leave Korea together, we're stepping into a new part of our life." The words leave him so softly that he barely feels the air pass from his lips or the stroke of his tongue along his teeth. This desire to be able to start fresh with Taekwoon urges him to do whatever needs to be done in these next several days. He turns his head enough to lay a gentle kiss on the edge of Taekwoon's shoulder.

Taekwoon remains quiet but he nods his head. Those words. Our life. They strike Taekwoon somewhere in his chest that he didn't even know was there before Hakyeon. He's always fearful that this is all him, that everything between them is tilted to his side but it absolutely isn't.

It feels so good to hear that this is how Hakyeon sees them: two people coming together to build and create their own world.

He feels overwhelmed suddenly and there's only one way to ease it. He turns just enough, both hands finding either side of Hakyeon's face and he leans in to kiss him. Not like the one earlier, but slow, gentle. An attempt to express words he's still too broken at his core to be able to say.

First it's fingers finding their place at the line of his jaw and cheeks, and then it's his lips finding their place on his. As his lashes slide shut halfway, when Taekwoon's mouth tenderly arches against his, he closes them the rest of the way with a sigh that sifts free.

Always having been a person who savors affection, he thrives in this moment as he lets his heart palpitate soundly in his chest and his fingers wind into the front of Taekwoon's shirt. He's confident and secure right now, a feeling that was stripped from him with a single phone call. However it reigns through him stronger now, and as his lips slowly take in their last connection with Taekwoon's, he pulls back, staring down at lips that were just on his. "That's enough talking for one night." A chuckle leaves him, "Let's sleep."

Again, all he does is nod in agreement with Hakyeon's words. Tiredness tugs at him and he knows that if he lets it, it could certainly pull him down completely. He pulls himself back from Hakyeon enough to be able to slip down and lay comfortably on his side, facing the smaller man.

A hand reaches out, the backs of his fingers brushing over Hakyeon's cheek and a small sigh leaves him before he shares a sentiment in such a quiet whisper that it could have gone unheard if it weren't for their insane closeness: "I'm so happy when I lay next to you..." And it makes his chest swell to be able to say that, to be able to express that he's happy and to really and honestly feel that.

Taekwoon has a way of confessing words that Hakyeon's never heard in his life--a genuine way in which he doesn't question even once if it's true or not. He knows Taekwoon really means it, and Hakyeon's such a weakling to it that he immediately scoots in and compresses himself against Taekwoon.

What makes it more bittersweet as he starts to fall asleep, is how his desire to keep Taekwoon at his side is more resilient, which means his weakness is greater...he can never let Inguk take Taekwoon away from him.

a/n: Yayyyyyy, whooo! So there's only a few more 'main' chapters left then after there will be more postings that occur in this AU. I would like to know though, if you want a bonus chapter with more in depth accounts of Hakyeon's first meeting with Inguk. I probably will post it, since it's Eru's most fun work of art, she claims, (writing Inguk), but just let me know! ~ J

Tags: p: hakyeonxtaekwoon, r: r, vixx
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